What makes an unbreakable relationship?

By Notes From Megan - Wednesday, May 03, 2017

'Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together.  

Most of you will know I am in a loving relationship, but this isn't me preaching thinking I have the perfect relationship. In fact, I'm writing this almost as a reminder to myself on how to try and achieve that unbreakable relationship that will make everyone ask 'How?'.

I have recently taken quite a liking to downloading various podcasts to listen too, it currently ranges from serious life advice ones that I turn on whilst driving to hilarious jokey ones that I turn on when I'm doing chores around the house. I was listening to a really inspirational podcast the other day about how to affair-proof your marriage, so I know this may seem a little advanced for me to listen to considering I am not married but 'fail to prepare and prepare to fail' is a quote that my boyfriend regularly quotes at me and I consider listening to that particular podcast my way of preparing for the future. Don't assume I think one of us will end up having an affair, we trust each other whole-heartedly and I do not expect either of us to end up in that circumstance, but what's the harm in learning what to do or avoid in order to make the chances even slimmer? Fail to prepare and prepare to fail.

One thing I would say is extremely important in a relationship is to always speak kindly about your partner. Everyone has a friend who only ever has negative things to say about their partner, this doesn't necessarily mean their relationship is on the edge, it could just be that that particular person generally only looks at the negative side of life. I encounter these kind of people everyday. However, I find it extremely difficult to sit and listen to people talk unkindly of their partner, whether this be in the form of putting them down, talking about their flaws, complaining about them and so on. I always try to speak positively about my partner, everyone has bad days and their are times I may rant about a silly little thing that's annoyed me that day but in general I always aim to praise my partner and be encouraging of him to people I am communicating with. Plus you never want to be in that situation where a friend meets your partner for the first time and says 'I've heard lots about you...' and you hope they do not repeat all the complaints you've made over the last month.

Tease each other, have your own in-jokes, make memories that will never leave your lips so they remain just between the two of you, make habits and traditions that please you both, take photos just for your own secret albums, have nicknames, talk about your dreams and ambitions when you're lying in bed and you have no distractions. Spend time creating a life together that you don't want to ever leave, make it so comfortable and loving that the other person cannot even remember life before you or without you.

Sit down and communicate guidelines and rules. Not to be controlling but to understand each other's expectations of acceptable behaviour. Avoid breaking your own relationship. For example, a really random personal expectation of mine is that I would expect my partner not to swear when around my parents. This isn't a common thing for a lot of people, but for me it's just a respectful thing. I never have and never will swear around my parents, and vice versa my parents have never once uttered a swear word in front of me and I have always been thankful for that. Now, if my partner was to visit my parents and swear in front of them as maybe it's the norm in their family I would expect my parents to notice it and maybe have an opinion on their language. So to avoid an awkward and almost offensive behaviour I would discuss it with my partner before visiting and explain my reasoning for asking him not to swear if possible. It can be applied to much broader areas of the relationship and is totally individual to every relationship. People react differently to situations and a simple communication exercise could avoid misunderstandings later down the line. 

Next, don't let the little things get to you. There's nothing worse than having a lovely day together and having a little argument about something trivial at the end of the day and it tainting the whole day and a bad experience. Get over it. Unless it's a big problem you've just got to learn to let things go. In my opinion there is not enough hours in the evenings to argue about trivial things, I bet that if you wait an hour then whatever has annoyed you will seem so small and trivial that you'll laugh at yourself for ever thinking it was a big deal.

Be eager to please each other and don't wait to be asked to do a favour. If you adopt this attitude as often as possible then you are going to avoid your partner having to seek attention or affection elsewhere. Let them find the attention they need everyday in your own relationship. I've been brought up in a household where my dad does a lot, he is always eager to give advice, help me out when my cars broken down, given me endless taxi rides at whatever time of the night I want, he spent over a week fitting a new kitchen for us in our new home for free and has put his other jobs to the side to do it so we could be in before Christmas. So, I thought all men are eager to serve me and clear my dinner plate and make me cups of tea and never grumble about doing it, but reality hit me when I met my partner and I realised that it isn't a fair or loving relationship to sit back and expect him to do all of the above when he excels himself in so many other areas of showing me love. I had to suck it up, and after grumpily point-blank asking him why he cleared away his own plate and not mine I realised that i needed to lift a finger and serve him and enjoy it. Now I don't resent it, I embrace it and am lucky to have someone I can please with such easy but meaningful actions.

Do leave a comment if you have any other tried and tested ways or suggestions for an unbreakable relationship, I'd love to hear them! 

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